Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
