u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Alive.
So much puke
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
