someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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