I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
