Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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