i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
