The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
