Screwed.edu
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
