Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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