At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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