He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
