so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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