in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
