I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
