Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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