okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
