am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
