we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
