then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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