mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
