hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
