dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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