Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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