the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
