someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
