My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
