Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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