she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
