i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just threw up on my dentist
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
