Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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