u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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