I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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