I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
