so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize