Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
