I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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