did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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