You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
