my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
