The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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