ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
