You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
