Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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