Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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