We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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