my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
