Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
