My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
