Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
