can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
