Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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