We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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