I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
They left me at home... I'm a liability
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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