you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you didnt know i had herpes?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize