Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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