what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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