I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Randomize
