ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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