It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
