Don't make out with my wife yet
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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