$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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