We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
