Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
