Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize