i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
