I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
