Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
