i don't like sucking hair
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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