Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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