o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
