your thong is hanging out like whoa
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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