Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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